Is it my turn?

I am tired. The Mr. had been gone for two weeks (he was home for the weekend) for work. During the 1st week, the jeep wouldn’t start, requiring a tow. During the 2nd week, Thing 1 had diarrhea at daycare and needed to stay out for 24 hours so he came to work with me for a whole day. (He did great, by the way.) I need a break. I love my kids, but when The Mr. is gone only the necessities get done. I try to have everything done – dinner, baths, lunches for the next day, kids in bed – by 8pm so I can have an hour to myself before I then go to bed. Thing 2 cooperates pretty well by falling asleep between 7 and 7:30pm. Thing 1 goes to bed at 7:30pm but then gets up multiple times for whatever reason he can think of at the time until I go to bed.

I feel I don’t get a break or time for myself. From the time I get up until the time I go to bed, I am doing something for someone else. I am physically exhausted. I was looking forward to The Mr. coming home this past Friday as I knew he would do more than his fair share of helping around the house since he had been gone all week. He knows that I am tired and need some time away from the motherhood responsibilities after he gets back from a business trip. Unfortunately, this weekend was different than the normal “I’ll do that for you. You go relax.” This time, The Mr. came back from Florida sick. He had been vomiting and had diarrhea while in Florida and continued with that when he came home. He also is having difficulty sleeping as he has a cough and is wheezing. So, instead of have time for myself and getting a break from the kids, even if only for a little while, I helped take care of him as well as take care of the boys.

I know I shouldn’t be but I am angry and disappointed. I know I am being selfish. But damn it when is it going to be my turn to have a break? The Mr. was gone all week, able to sleep and not have to get two kids ready for the day every morning and then ready for bed every night. He wasn’t the one that some nights went to bed without dinner because he forgot to eat or was just too tired to make something for himself to eat. I spent my week taking care of my kids and didn’t do anything for myself. I pretty much went to bed at the same time the boys did because I was so tired. I just want a little time for myself, a little time to not worry or think about anything else but me. Is that so wrong? Am I a terrible mother, a terrible person for wanting this?

Special Moments

When my kids were babies (& one still is really), the thing that I most enjoy is that I am the one they most want to comfort them. You know when the baby has had a hard day – either a tummy ache or really tired from a lot of commotion – and all he wants is his mommy to hold him and to cuddle with him. I miss the days when my oldest would be comforted in my arms to the point that he would fall asleep. My youngest is still at that age and I cherish every moment of it. It fills my heart with love to know that this baby trusts me and is comforted by me so much that he will fall asleep in my arms.

These two ladies are having babies soon. Some wonderful people have decided to through them a baby shower. Go here if you would like to participate and be entered to win some prizes.

Illness Go Away!

The Mr. is on another business trip this week. He left for Florida this morning. He will be back early Friday evening. I don’t have that overwhelming feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong like I did last week when he was in California. I am glad that trip is over.

However, this time, Thing 1 ended up with diarrhea at daycare yesterday morning so needed to be picked up. As you may know, he now needs to stay home, symptom free for 24 hours. (I don’t think he really has diarrhea. He has been having problem going to the bathroom so I think that since we were giving him all the things you give a child when you need them to go #2, it decided to all come out at once.) Since my co-worker is on vacation and The Mr. is out of town, Thing 1 will be at work with me all day today. The Mr. brought a TV/DVD player into my office last night and set it up on a TV table. We brought books, coloring books, crayons, trucks, DVDs, a pillow, and a blanket into my office last night. This morning I brought loads of snacks along with our lunches. I am hoping all of this keeps him occupied for quite some time. Unfortunately, I also have appointments today. I usually have appointments but most of the time, it is a client coming into my office to meet with me. Today, however, I have to take a client to Social Security for an appointment and I have a meeting this afternoon with a client and a Board member. This morning, Thing 1 will have to come with me to Social Security for the appointment. I am hoping it doesn’t last long. During my afternoon meeting, my supervisor said that she would watch him. I hope it all goes well and there aren’t any surprises.

We are still using the token economy and Thing 1 already knows that if he is good this morning he will get a token and if he is good this afternoon he will get another token. If he earns 2 tokens today, we will get a special treat on the way home.

Please think of me today, hope that I am actually getting work done, and that Thing 1 is behaving himself.

Sixteen (times 2) Candles

Today, I am 32. Over the weekend I was thinking about what to post on this day. I was feeling pretty down as The Mr. would be in California for work during my day. I was upset that I wouldn't get to see my husband on my birthday, that he would be on the complete opposite side of the U.S. than we live on, that there would be a 3 hour time difference and we may not even be able to talk to each other, and that I would be spending the day tending to the needs and wants of the boys instead of being pampered. I was nervous about being left alone this time as I was sure something would go wrong. If you read my last post you know what went wrong.

Instead of writing the original "poor me" post that I had thought about writing for today, I am going to reflect on my life and all the wonderful things that I have. I was privileged enough to get an education. Not only did I receive my Bachelor's Degree, but I later went back to school to receive my Master's Degree. I found the man of my dreams in a high school English class during our Junior year. We have been married for 9 years and together 14. I have 2 beautiful boys that mean the world to me. I have family and friends that love and care about me and we keep in contact despite the many miles that separate us. My father is doing well. The cancer that they found was caught early, removed, and doesn't require any chemo or radiation. I have had many ups and downs since my last birthday. I could choose to focus on the negatives, and some days I may, but today is not that day. It is a day to celebrate me and look at all the things/people in my life that have helped me to become who I am today. Yes, today I am 32.

It's Gotta Be Monday

Well, I am going to start out with the good, put some not so good in the middle, and then end good. How’s does that sound? I want to try to look at the bright side of things, hence the ending on a positive note.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. We took the boys to a church picnic. It actually combined three different parishes and we had mass at the camp/park. We ate some really good food and Thing 1 enjoyed playing on all the playground equipment and watching other kids in the moon bounce. (He decided he would rather watch instead of actually participating.) Thing 2 seemed to enjoy being outdoors and watching all the people. It was a nice day. The sun was out and the sky was clear. Much different than Saturday when we had Tropical Storm Hanna here. On our way home after the picnic both boys fell asleep in the car and took good naps when we got home. It was a rather enjoyable day.

This morning The Mr. left for California. I am very upset about this trip. Most of the time I do ok, but this time I had this horrible feeling that something was going to go wrong. Not to mention that he was going to be gone for my birthday (Wednesday) and it is a 3 hour time difference from where we live. Well, this morning at about the time The Mr. would be getting on the plane, that thing that was going to go wrong happened. My car wouldn’t start. I was able to drop the kids off at daycare and when I got back to the car, it wouldn’t start. The last time this happened (about a week and a half ago), The Mr. put more oil in it, as it was low, and was able to drive it as long as he kept one foot on the gas. My FIL said that we may have gotten water in the gas line as I had just gotten gas that morning. My FIL said not to go to that gas station anymore as they may water down their gas. (Now I am a tad bit paranoid about getting gas – had to have The Mr. do it last night.) We bought this stuff called Heat; put it in the gas tank, and everything worked fine. The Mr. said that we would probably need a new battery before it got cold as the car has had a little difficulty starting. So today was the day that the car decided not to start. I am out here in a state where we do not know anyone and my husband has just left for a business trip. I am frantic. I figured if I could just get the car the half a mile to my work, someone would be able to help me. I was able to drive with both feet to get the car up the drive to my work, where it then died. I had the maintenance guys outside helping me and was able to get the car towed to the closest Pep Boys. Pep Boys took a look at the car and called to tell me they thought it was the battery. They planned to change the battery and then check it again to make sure it wasn’t also an alternator problem. Thank God, it was only the battery. My car was fixed before noon and my co-worker dropped me off to pick it up during our lunch and I was back in the office before 1:30pm.

So on the positive side, my car is fixed. I had tons of wonderful people around that were willing to help me. My kids are happily at daycare and no nothing of what I have been through today. I am happy that it didn’t happen while I had two kids in the car. I am happy that it happened so close to work/daycare that I could get help. I am happy that it happened early in the day so I could get it fixed before I had to leave work and pick up the kids. I could look at the negative side of this whole thing, but I know it could have been a lot worse.

Week of Illness

Thing 2 was sick at the beginning of the week. Originally we thought the fever was a delayed reaction to the vaccinations he had the Friday before. That was until on Wednesday evening, Thing 1 ended up with a fever of 102. That is when we determined it was some sort of virus. No other symptoms, just a fever. Some sort of 24 hour bug, I think. We kept Thing 1 out of daycare on Thursday. I actually took him to work with me for a few hours. Once it got to lunch time and he was tired, hungry, and whiney, I decided it was time to call it a day. When The Mr. came home on Thursday evening, he informed me that it was hot in the house. (This is normal as he always thinks it is hot and I usually think it is cold.) Well, it was like 78 degrees in the house and I didn't seem to mind. He decided that it would be a good idea to take my temperature. Yes, you guessed it, I also ended up with the weird illness. I felt fine, just tired with a fever. By Friday evening I was fever free. The Mr. is now concerned that he will end up with a fever while he is on his trip to California this next week. I think it would serve him right for being gone during my birthday.

The First Fever

My baby is sick. He had his 4 month shots on Friday and has been cranky ever since. On Sunday he had a fever of 101 and wasn’t eating very well. On Monday his fever wasn’t much better but he was eating like normal. On Sunday evening, he was particularly cranky and was sooo tired. He kept rubbing his little eyes and whining but wouldn’t go to sleep. He was only quiet when we held him. I decided to take him into our bedroom and lay down with him. I sang to him (although not well, good thing he is just a baby and can’t tell that I don’t have much of a talent for singing) and cuddled him until he fell asleep. It was one of those moments that makes me really enjoy being a mother. You know the ones where a hug, a cuddle, or a kiss makes everything all better. The ones where they fall asleep in your arms and everything at that moment is right in the world.

We have since contacted the doctor. They want us to keep an eye on him but do not feel they need to see him at this time. The fever may be a delayed reaction to the vaccines, because of teething, or a virus. Thing 2 is doing much better. His fever is down and has been teetering around normal and hasn’t needed any Tylenol. He is eating as usual. Although he still has this desire to be held and cuddled and told that everything will be alright. I am hoping he will be back to his old self tomorrow and able to enter his regular routine.