Saturday, November 8, 2008

It's Time To Go

I am having some issues over here. We are having some financial issues (as probably everyone is). We have added a new baby into the house within the past 6 1/2 months. Things that never bothered me before are starting to bother me. I am really stressed out. Stupid little things are annoying me. I am angry with myself for feeling like this. I am feeling abandoned and betrayed by The Mr. having to travel all the time for work - leaving me alone without any support as we are so far away from family and friends. I feel guilty for feeling this way as he cannot help his job and we knew it would be this way when he took the position. I have talked to him about my feelings a lot the past few days. At first I don't think I was coming across well. I don't think he understood where I was coming from and I don't think I was explaining myself well. I was too emotional. After talking to my best friend on the phone yesterday for an hour and a half about my issue and then sleeping on it, I found that I was better able to explain myself and that my husband was better able to understand me. Yesterday and this morning before we talked, I felt like a wall was up between us. I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen and feared the worst. After talking today, I am doing much better. We have decided to seek counseling. I have gone to counseling myself in the past and I know that it is time for me to go again. I felt that it would be good for The Mr. to go with me this time. I think that it will help strengthen our relationship and help us to communicate better. When I was in counseling before I learned that I confuse being stressed with being depressed. Anytime I get really stressed out, I start to get depressed. I start not eating and I sleep a lot. I wander around like a zombie, only doing things because I have to and not doing anything that I enjoy. I am starting to get that way again. This time seems different as I am now getting bothered by things that my husband does that he has always done. It's not fair to him and that is making me angry and upset with myself. I hope that we find a good counselor to help us through this and to help me get out of my rut.

2 comments:

Kendra said...

I'm glad to hear that you are taking steps to make things better. We'll be praying for you.

Candace said...

Thank you for the post! You said it yourself, a new baby, working all the time, etc... It's A LOT! After my son was born and I had the two kids and a husband at work all the time, I couldn't believe my own rage even though I loved them all and my life! I went to a therapist and wrote on my blog and was honest about my feelings. I cut myself some slack and realized I had a baby and it was possible to feel more than one way about a situation. Bravo for your honesty and bravery. You are on the right road even if it doesn't always feel like the most comfortable or secure one.