Saturday, November 8, 2008
It's Time To Go
I am having some issues over here. We are having some financial issues (as probably everyone is). We have added a new baby into the house within the past 6 1/2 months. Things that never bothered me before are starting to bother me. I am really stressed out. Stupid little things are annoying me. I am angry with myself for feeling like this. I am feeling abandoned and betrayed by The Mr. having to travel all the time for work - leaving me alone without any support as we are so far away from family and friends. I feel guilty for feeling this way as he cannot help his job and we knew it would be this way when he took the position. I have talked to him about my feelings a lot the past few days. At first I don't think I was coming across well. I don't think he understood where I was coming from and I don't think I was explaining myself well. I was too emotional. After talking to my best friend on the phone yesterday for an hour and a half about my issue and then sleeping on it, I found that I was better able to explain myself and that my husband was better able to understand me. Yesterday and this morning before we talked, I felt like a wall was up between us. I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen and feared the worst. After talking today, I am doing much better. We have decided to seek counseling. I have gone to counseling myself in the past and I know that it is time for me to go again. I felt that it would be good for The Mr. to go with me this time. I think that it will help strengthen our relationship and help us to communicate better. When I was in counseling before I learned that I confuse being stressed with being depressed. Anytime I get really stressed out, I start to get depressed. I start not eating and I sleep a lot. I wander around like a zombie, only doing things because I have to and not doing anything that I enjoy. I am starting to get that way again. This time seems different as I am now getting bothered by things that my husband does that he has always done. It's not fair to him and that is making me angry and upset with myself. I hope that we find a good counselor to help us through this and to help me get out of my rut.
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2 comments:
I'm glad to hear that you are taking steps to make things better. We'll be praying for you.
Thank you for the post! You said it yourself, a new baby, working all the time, etc... It's A LOT! After my son was born and I had the two kids and a husband at work all the time, I couldn't believe my own rage even though I loved them all and my life! I went to a therapist and wrote on my blog and was honest about my feelings. I cut myself some slack and realized I had a baby and it was possible to feel more than one way about a situation. Bravo for your honesty and bravery. You are on the right road even if it doesn't always feel like the most comfortable or secure one.
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