I Expected This Behavior From Children

On Monday, I picked the boys up from daycare around 5pm. When I went to Thing 1's room to pick him up I was told that some of the children were moved to the 3 year old room due to ratio issues. So I proceeded to collect Thing 1's belongings and go outside to the playground to pick up Thing 1 and Thing 2. I wandered onto the playground to find Thing 1 sitting on a bench at a picnic table. Once he saw me, he ran over crying. He had huge tears rolling down his face and seemed extremely upset. I gave him a hug and held him and asked him what was wrong. All he could say was "I want you." Now, let me say, he is NEVER like this when I pick him up. I sat down on one of the pieces of playground equipment to ask him what was wrong. He didn't want to tell me. I told him that he could tell me either in the car on the way home or when we get home, but I did need him to tell me what made him so upset. (Meanwhile, Thing 2 wandered over to me, so I did end up with both children.)

We left the daycare, loaded up into our car, and began to drive home. It was very quiet in the car on the way home. This is very unusual as I am usually asked for 2 minutes of peace and quiet just so my head will stop spinning! About halfway home, I asked Thing 1 what had happened at school to make him so upset. Thing 1 said that one of his teachers (which will be known as Ms. Meanie) called him "poopie." Yes, a teacher called my son a name. (Let me also let all of you know that when Thing 1 was in the 3 year old room, we had issues with this teacher sending him home frequently - almost weekly - for diarrehea. Thing 1 was having issues with his bowel movements. We have since resolved the issue and found it to be a medical concern, not a behavioral issue.)

I was extremely angry, frustrated, and upset. How could a teacher call a child a name? Isn't she supposed to be a role model? This is my sensitive child that she just hurt. He has been working very hard this past year on his self confidence and improved greatly. I felt that this name calling from a so-called professional was really going to push him back. We spent the evening role-playing what to do if anyone, including a teacher, says something to Thing 1 that he doesn't like. We also spent time listing positive things about Thing 1.

On Tuesday, it took everything for me to drop my child back off at school. I had to walk past Ms. Meanie three times that morning. I contacted the directors of the daycare around 10 on Tuesday morning and requested a meeting for that afternoon. I met with the directors and told them everything that had happened. I requested that Thing 1 never be placed in the 3 year old room with Ms. Meanie again. I was also informed that my son was in the room with Ms. Meanie for only an hour. He had been in his classroom for the majority of the day. The directors were understanding and did tell the teachers of the 4 year old room that Thing 1 is not allowed to go back to the 3 year old room if there is ratio issues. I also told the directors that if they are really having issues with ratio, then they can call me and I will pick up my child.

Throughout the week I was told by the three teachers that Thing 1 has, that they were sorry for what had occurred and will not be moving Thing 1 to Ms. Meanie's room. I had a talk with Thing 1's main teacher (let's call her Ms. Montessori) on Wednesday afternoon. During the conversation I found out that Ms. Montessori had complained about Ms. Meanie to the directors on multiple occasions due to how Ms. Meanie speaks to the children. Ms. Montessori and I scheduled a meeting for Friday afternoon for a parent-teacher conference (it just so happened to be the time of year to schedule one and I figured it would be a good time to discuss the event of earlier in the week and my child's self confidence issue).

On Friday, I met with Ms. Montessori. We went through all the regular things in a parent-teacher conference from what I can tell. I was told what areas my son was progressing in and what areas he was doing well. I pretty much knew these things as The Mr. and I work with Thing 1 on the areas that he needs assistance. When it came time to talk about my concerns, I brought up my concern with Thing 1's low self-confidence. Ms. Montessori agreed and said that he had improved greatly in his self-confidence since moving into her classroom. I expressed my concern on how the event on Monday could effect Thing 1 and that I was not sure if I wanted to keep him at the center (especially since Ms. Montessori will be leaving in 2 months to have a baby and Thing 1 loves her!). Ms. Montessori understood and suggested I look into summer camp as a lot of the children in the 4 year old room who are 5 or will turn 5 by summer will be leaving the center for summer camps before starting kindergarten.

I left the meeting with some stress relief but still unsure what to do with my son. I was at the point on Monday afternoon of taking him out of the center immediately and keeping him with me forever. However, I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I am already having issues with him starting kindergarten in the fall (my baby is getting so big and growing up so fast!) and that I have to learn to let go. I just didn't think that I would have to start letting him go so quickly. I thought that daycare would be a safe place and that the teachers would protect him. I expect that children will be mean to other children, I just didn't expect this type of behavior from a teacher.

The Mr. and I have begun looking into summer camps to put Thing 1 into. We are also starting to look at new daycare centers as Thing 2 will be in Ms. Meanie's room in a year. (If Ms. Meanie is gone, before Thing 2 enters her room, then I will probably keep him at that center. However, he is a different type of kid, so he won't necessary internalize something like that if it happens to him. He would be more likely to punch the teacher if she said that to him, than cry after the fact. I would probably prefer that response.) Until decisions are made regarding what we are doing with our children, particularly Thing 1, I will be stressed and I think I will forever worry about Thing 1 and his self-confidence. I am hoping that getting him to an extra curricular activity once kindergarten starts will help him improve his self-confidence. I feel for my son. He is just like his mother, that's for sure, and I know how difficult it can be growing up with low self-confidence and being such an empathic person. I just hope we can help him to improve his self-confidence so he doesn't go through some of the things that I did.

Back to School Night

This week we attended Back To School night at Thing 1's daycare/preschool. He will be starting kindergarten next fall, so I thought we better get used to attending these things. I picked the boys up a little early so we could get home, eat dinner, and then go back to the daycare. The center had some of the staff available to watch the kids while the parents sat in little chairs listening to the teachers discuss the curriculum that our children will be following for the next year. Anyway, on our way out of the house, Thing 1 got very upset. He kept saying that he couldn't go to school because he hadn't slept yet. He also made a point of saying, "But I don't have my lunch!" No matter how many times we explained to him that he wasn't going back for a full day, only for about an hour, and that he already had lunch that day, he would not listen. Poor guy, was so confused!

Back To School night was interesting. We really like Thing 1's new teacher. She is very friendly and patient with the kids. It makes Thing 1 more comfortable in class and more willing to try new things. He's a child that is very concerned about doing things correctly and won't even try something if he is afraid that he will do it wrong. Not sure where he got such a perfectionist attitude? :)

Interesting Report

The other day I picked the boys up from daycare as usual. When I arrived at Thing 1’s room the conversation went sort of like this:

Teacher: Do you watch a lot of Disney movies with kissing in them at home?
Me: Not that I know of, why?
Teacher: Because Thing 1 was kissing this little girl on the mouth during naptime.
Me: Oh!

So on the ride home, I asked Thing 1 about this kissing incident. I found out some very interesting preschool drama. For example, the little girl who I thought was Thing 1’s girlfriend is no longer his girlfriend. She is now the girlfriend of another little boy. I also found out that the little girl that Thing 1 kissed is also not his girlfriend. One of the new girls in his class is actually his girlfriend. I feel like this is a little soap opera or something.

I didn’t realize all of this started at age 3. I think I’m going to be in trouble when he is a teenager! The Mr. says we have a little Casanova.

Thing 1's Terrible, Awful Day

Friday morning I took the boys to daycare as usual. After I dropped them off, I went into work for a couple hours. I tend to take Fridays off to do stuff around the house or run errands while the boys are at daycare. It’s much easier that way. On this particular Friday, The Mr. only had to work a half day so we met up for lunch and then went shopping to take advantage of sales. At about 4pm we went to daycare to pick up the boys to find Thing 1 in time out. The Mr. went to find out from the teachers and Thing 1 what had happened as I collected all of Thing 1’s belongings. Come to find out, after they completed their potty time at school, Thing 1 gave one of his teachers a dirty look and then proceeded to poop in his pants. He also kept taking his shoes and socks off and refused to put them back on.

On the way home from daycare, I attempted to get out of Thing 1 what had happened that caused him to poop in his pants instead of asking to go back to the bathroom. Since I was speaking to a 3 year old, I didn’t get a response that made much sense – other than he didn’t like that particular teacher. After we got home, I spoke to him again and we practiced what to say to someone if they do something we do not like or if we are upset with somebody. We also discussed that under no circumstances is it ok to poop or pee in our pants. He seemed to understand and did the role playing rather well.

Later that night, after bedtime, Thing 1 kept getting out of bed saying he had to pee. He was up every hour until finally at 2:30am I put him in bed with us. We talked for a few minutes at which time he stated that he was scared and upset. I didn’t figure out what exactly was bothering him, but he did calm down and finally fell asleep.

I laid in bed thinking about the events of Friday afternoon. Then it dawned on me that Thing 1 was in time out one other time this week when I picked him up and, on both days, it was the same teacher that had put him in time out and it was on the days that she stayed late. Knowing Thing 1, it just didn’t sound like him to deliberately poop in his pants. Yes, he gets upset and angry when put in time out or to have an activity taken away from him when he is bad, but he doesn’t glare at us and then poop in his pants. He may yell and say some not very nice things, but nothing like that.

So, now, also knowing that this particular teacher has only been working at the daycare and in his class for about 2 weeks, I am a little concerned. It is possible that Thing 1 was being a pain in the butt and deliberately pooped in his pants on Friday. It is also very possible that earlier in the week that he was not listening to his teachers and wrestling with another kid in his class that put him in time out. There just seems to be something about this whole thing that doesn’t add up (which may be because I am getting my story from a 3 year old). I spoke to The Mr. this morning about my feelings and stated that I may do some unannounced visits at the daycare this coming week to observed Thing 1’s behavior and how the teachers respond. I kept asking if I was overreacting and The Mr. said that if it bothered me, I should check it out. So, I will probably be taking my lunch at weird times this week so I can pop in at daycare to put my mind at ease.