I Expected This Behavior From Children

On Monday, I picked the boys up from daycare around 5pm. When I went to Thing 1's room to pick him up I was told that some of the children were moved to the 3 year old room due to ratio issues. So I proceeded to collect Thing 1's belongings and go outside to the playground to pick up Thing 1 and Thing 2. I wandered onto the playground to find Thing 1 sitting on a bench at a picnic table. Once he saw me, he ran over crying. He had huge tears rolling down his face and seemed extremely upset. I gave him a hug and held him and asked him what was wrong. All he could say was "I want you." Now, let me say, he is NEVER like this when I pick him up. I sat down on one of the pieces of playground equipment to ask him what was wrong. He didn't want to tell me. I told him that he could tell me either in the car on the way home or when we get home, but I did need him to tell me what made him so upset. (Meanwhile, Thing 2 wandered over to me, so I did end up with both children.)

We left the daycare, loaded up into our car, and began to drive home. It was very quiet in the car on the way home. This is very unusual as I am usually asked for 2 minutes of peace and quiet just so my head will stop spinning! About halfway home, I asked Thing 1 what had happened at school to make him so upset. Thing 1 said that one of his teachers (which will be known as Ms. Meanie) called him "poopie." Yes, a teacher called my son a name. (Let me also let all of you know that when Thing 1 was in the 3 year old room, we had issues with this teacher sending him home frequently - almost weekly - for diarrehea. Thing 1 was having issues with his bowel movements. We have since resolved the issue and found it to be a medical concern, not a behavioral issue.)

I was extremely angry, frustrated, and upset. How could a teacher call a child a name? Isn't she supposed to be a role model? This is my sensitive child that she just hurt. He has been working very hard this past year on his self confidence and improved greatly. I felt that this name calling from a so-called professional was really going to push him back. We spent the evening role-playing what to do if anyone, including a teacher, says something to Thing 1 that he doesn't like. We also spent time listing positive things about Thing 1.

On Tuesday, it took everything for me to drop my child back off at school. I had to walk past Ms. Meanie three times that morning. I contacted the directors of the daycare around 10 on Tuesday morning and requested a meeting for that afternoon. I met with the directors and told them everything that had happened. I requested that Thing 1 never be placed in the 3 year old room with Ms. Meanie again. I was also informed that my son was in the room with Ms. Meanie for only an hour. He had been in his classroom for the majority of the day. The directors were understanding and did tell the teachers of the 4 year old room that Thing 1 is not allowed to go back to the 3 year old room if there is ratio issues. I also told the directors that if they are really having issues with ratio, then they can call me and I will pick up my child.

Throughout the week I was told by the three teachers that Thing 1 has, that they were sorry for what had occurred and will not be moving Thing 1 to Ms. Meanie's room. I had a talk with Thing 1's main teacher (let's call her Ms. Montessori) on Wednesday afternoon. During the conversation I found out that Ms. Montessori had complained about Ms. Meanie to the directors on multiple occasions due to how Ms. Meanie speaks to the children. Ms. Montessori and I scheduled a meeting for Friday afternoon for a parent-teacher conference (it just so happened to be the time of year to schedule one and I figured it would be a good time to discuss the event of earlier in the week and my child's self confidence issue).

On Friday, I met with Ms. Montessori. We went through all the regular things in a parent-teacher conference from what I can tell. I was told what areas my son was progressing in and what areas he was doing well. I pretty much knew these things as The Mr. and I work with Thing 1 on the areas that he needs assistance. When it came time to talk about my concerns, I brought up my concern with Thing 1's low self-confidence. Ms. Montessori agreed and said that he had improved greatly in his self-confidence since moving into her classroom. I expressed my concern on how the event on Monday could effect Thing 1 and that I was not sure if I wanted to keep him at the center (especially since Ms. Montessori will be leaving in 2 months to have a baby and Thing 1 loves her!). Ms. Montessori understood and suggested I look into summer camp as a lot of the children in the 4 year old room who are 5 or will turn 5 by summer will be leaving the center for summer camps before starting kindergarten.

I left the meeting with some stress relief but still unsure what to do with my son. I was at the point on Monday afternoon of taking him out of the center immediately and keeping him with me forever. However, I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I am already having issues with him starting kindergarten in the fall (my baby is getting so big and growing up so fast!) and that I have to learn to let go. I just didn't think that I would have to start letting him go so quickly. I thought that daycare would be a safe place and that the teachers would protect him. I expect that children will be mean to other children, I just didn't expect this type of behavior from a teacher.

The Mr. and I have begun looking into summer camps to put Thing 1 into. We are also starting to look at new daycare centers as Thing 2 will be in Ms. Meanie's room in a year. (If Ms. Meanie is gone, before Thing 2 enters her room, then I will probably keep him at that center. However, he is a different type of kid, so he won't necessary internalize something like that if it happens to him. He would be more likely to punch the teacher if she said that to him, than cry after the fact. I would probably prefer that response.) Until decisions are made regarding what we are doing with our children, particularly Thing 1, I will be stressed and I think I will forever worry about Thing 1 and his self-confidence. I am hoping that getting him to an extra curricular activity once kindergarten starts will help him improve his self-confidence. I feel for my son. He is just like his mother, that's for sure, and I know how difficult it can be growing up with low self-confidence and being such an empathic person. I just hope we can help him to improve his self-confidence so he doesn't go through some of the things that I did.